Translation: I immediately felt the need to brag about my slutty inability to not fuck bros to my entire sorority.
Even though I'm fully aware that disseminating emails where I talk about having promiscuous sex will be forwarded and sent to everyone I know, including probably and inevitably my parents and future children, my urge to show everyone how badass, cool, and hot I am superseded this. It's fine to have sex with whoever you want, and even sort of kind of cool that you had sex with someone mildly famous even if he does look like an extra in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles but it is NOT OKAY to brag about it on your sorority listserv.
Newsflash: The term prodigy cannot be applied to DJing. This guy is turning fucking knobs he's not Mozart. Translation: In case you missed the memo, I had SEXUAL INTERCOURSE with Steve Aoki and another girl who is my friend. It was extremely romantic, like something out of a romance novel only instead of two star crossed lovers finding each other amidst chaos it was a creepy old DJ fucking two girls in a trailer. In fact, it looks more like you fucked the host at Benihana or my weed dealer.
Newsflash: I had no idea what Steve Aoki looked like so I had to google him. Also, gross I so don't want to cringe at having to read about some long dirty man's unwashed sweaty hair falling across your body.
Sincerely, Sushi Roll'ed Dear Sushi Roll'ed, This has got to be the biggest case of delusional narcissism I've ever seen (and I've seen a lot. Ugh there's so much I want to make fun of that I don't even know where to start.
Let's break this shit down piece by piece because I really don't know when I'm going to get another gem like this in my inbox.
I am playing the I-don't-give-a-fuck card because I truly don't, yet I also don't like the fact that my not-so-betchy friend that was the underdog (sorry) during the threeway is getting a ton of shit that she's not cool with.
I'll handle anything, hell, I even changed my profile picture to one of me and BONZAI after we had our fun.Of course I knew what that implied and I just had to tell the rest of my girls. I sent out an email to my entire sorority delivering the news.Safe to say no one was completely shocked, after all I am known as one of the baddest betches around.I sent out an email to my entire sorority delivering the news.Safe to say no one was completely shocked, after all I am known as one of the baddest betches around…at that point since apparently I also went around telling every single guy in our top fraternities that the guy on top of their party playlists, whom I also called BONZAI at this point--beat that first name basis, had been on top of me for most of the afternoon.No one was shocked because I do slutty shit like this that's indicative of major low self esteem like, all the time. It's extremely TTH, make you look really desperate for attention, and most of all, super fucking annoying.