Remember that children have very little power, and that the only power they may have, in a situation that's bad for them, is acting out.
It leaves her with more work to do, more time to spend assuring the kids that they're loved and important, and money to make up for college funds, camp and sports fees, activities, et cetera -- anything he'd been helping with that's not provided for in their decree.
Even if she handles all this with grace, it's going to be hard on her, and the kids' reminders, as they talk about you, won't be easy.) They will be demanding, loud, messy, intrusive.
I've read this book twice and I wanted to write a review because I found reading other women's experiences with a book and applying their personal situations to it very helpful.
This book is not as breezy and whimsical as other self-help books on dating a "divorced/divorcing" man with kids, but it is very thorough, sympathetic and right on about a lot of things that we women go through (in my case, dating a "divorcing" man, which is the riskiest of them all!
In a nutshell, the author gives women more value than what they feel they deserve.
I will never forget her input/output notion: if the input far outweighs the output then maybe the relationship is not worth it.
Had I checked it all out, I'd have saved myself some bad years.
If there's a next time, I'll make a point of befriending the ex, and getting the other side of the story.
Kids need parenting and time and effort, totally understandable.
But you shouldn't compromise your own needs for them.
Unfortunately, almost nothing he told me about her or the reasons for their divorce was true.