I’ll have your friends hating me while I control every aspect of your life. NYC editor who gets drunk and takes pictures a lot. If you can eat more Mc Donald’s cheeseburgers than me then I’ll suck your d*ck I have a pretty great rack Half-Filipino, Half-German, Physics major. Based on the moments that I get, there seems to be a lot girls on here who know everything about love and relationships… ”I put the Amy in chlamydia You get one forrest gump joke so use it wisely. I like laughing, dogs, lots of food, beer, outdoor activities, and adventures. Yet they’re still on Tinder Lets sauce in the tub together, ya dig? Want to marry some one whose last name begins with an “L”, so if I ever decide to work at a Denny’s, my name tag will read Ana L.
I’m just here for sex from a white boy with mommy issues. But if you swipe right, I will match with you, I will flirt with you and I will fu*k you. Two things I don’t fuck with: rattlesnakes and condoms. Hobbies: I’ll treat you like a Disney princess on the streets and a porn princess between the sheets.
I’ll still kiss you after you give me a rim job and I do a lot of yoga. But what I do have is a very particular set of skills. I hunt, fish, critique porn and thoroughly enjoy getting stoned in the woods with Mary Jane and Jack. Let’s recreate the Human Centipede and sew your mouth to my butthole. I’m [Your Name] and I cuddle at a level that should require a paid subscription. one night older Hobbies: boning your mom and getting shredded.
Damn boy u must be my GPA because I know I could do better I’m just too lazy to actually try Feed me pizza and tell me I’m pretty and the odds of butt stuff is def in your favor Daddy issues and a low self esteem, holla! But if a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she’s called a slut, and people think this is unfair… To be a stud you have to be witty, charming, be well-dressed, have nice shoes, and a fake job. There are fat ugly sluts out there, there are not fat ugly studs. The only hair between my legs should be your beard Horseback rider. The only thing that’s not goofy about me is my stance.
Nah, it’s completely fair, and I’ll tell you why, alright? Dating black girls is really a plus because you don’t have to worry about meeting their fathers. I’m outdoorsy in the sense that I like to get drunk on patios. I just want a guy to buy me flowers, send me a million cute texts an call me mine, I’ll make you food so wife me up. Just be John Cusack outside my window with a boombox. After going out for four years you decide to propose. I think that’s all you need to know I’ll make you dessert, if you don’t like it, there is always me ;)The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I’m singing Fergilicious and it’s at the part where she says “I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he’s my witness” I can point to him and he’ll do the little ” woo OOH” part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it’s stressful because right after the woo OOH part I have to get right back into rapping and the transition is harder than you think Tessticles (haha that’s Tinder gold! Mirror selfies, rig shots and roid monkeys need not apply. I look like a kid, if you are into that kinda thing. I like long walks down the beach and …I just wanna make out, cuddle in baggy clothes while watching movies and I dunno maybe put my hand down your pants… Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence.
We’ve put together a list of some of the best (amusing) Tinder bio’s, as discovered by r/tinder, to give you some ideas for your own profile description. Send me an emoji that represents our first date, I’ll send you an emoji that represents our future Seeking someone that looks good on the arm to take to social events!
At the very least, you’ll be amazed, possibly appalled, at what other people are writing! No thanks…if I wanted to disappoint two people in the same room, I’d have dinner with my parents. I hope your day is as nice as my ass I can’t wait to dissapoint you sexually Our relationship should be like Nintendo 64– classic, fun to spend hours with, and every issue easily fixed by blowing on it then shoving it back in.So today we take it easy and sit and stare at some really awesome landing page examples.Each one has been selected for it’s excellence in one area or another, and each gets critiqued so you can see what’s good and what needs some A/B testing to iron out the wrinkles. And be sure to join in down in the comments to let us know what you think. You gotta marry someone you know you’d still be down to fuck in the laundry room real quick while the kids are downstairs watching Lion King & ten minutes left till the dinosaur nuggets are read to come out the oven. Skills I have acquired over a very long sexual career. I can nail an arrow in the back of your skull at over 100 yards. PS: all I eat is mozzarella sticks, Doritos, and di*k. Boys call me Dumbledore cause I’m the head master The C and the L are silent. It may make me sound like a whore, but as long as you open and hold my door, I will straight up fuck you then and there on the floor Women seeks hostile man for mutual psychological torture, co-dependency and future divorce. If your dog is cute, I’ll probably look through your photos twice and I’ll still kiss you after you give me a rim job and I do a lot of yoga. You can also find me on Sniffr (it’s like Tinder but for dogs)5 Stars: “A perfect gentleman” – Anonymous Tinder woman.5 Stars: “Made 50 Shades of Grey seem as tame as the Teletubbies” – Anonymous Tinder Woman1 Star: “Stop asking me for a review you weirdo” – Anonymous Tinder Woman5 Stars: “So sweet” – Mark’s mum So you’re looking for ‘the one’ huh? but you’ll be so sexually starved when you do that you’ll fu*k him on the first date, he will lose interest, the sweet texts will stop and you’ll be all alone with your pizza rolls swiping left and right again while he dates someone that’s challenging enough to keep his interest for longer than a weekend. The slowest drink at the saddest bar on the snowiest day in the greatest city. If you like protein shakes, and getting caught at the gym, if you’re not into crossfit, if you have half a brain, if you like making gains at midnight, while curling in the squat rack, I’m the love that you’ve looked for, message me and be swole m8It’s tinder, let’s be real you just want my tits I don’t know who you are. I’m not the type of girl you have to hold in farts for, but rather the type of girl you want to hold in farts for. Every single time a man sleeps with a lot of women, he’s called a stud. My tits and I have one thing in common and that’s we’re a little bit more than a handful. I love cookies, anal and milk You gotta put up with the guy to get the butt. Click Here to Download Your FREE Cheat-Sheet I’m all of like two feet tall. If you’re wondering why I’m so funny, it’s because I used to be fat. And I’ve already failed all my exams sooooo You can use me to get to my mom. If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best. Tinder, because the girls on Grindr were too hairy. In my free time I like to take my shirt off and take selfies. When She’s walking home wards the monastery she thinks about how this is possible as she’s never had sex. Warehouse worker to pay the bills :)Looking to meet some new people and see what happens :)If you start a conversation with something along the lines of “you look like a f*cking giraffe c*nt”, chances are we won’t get along. On the topic of nude pics: I just want to remind everyone of a little movie called TITANIC… I’ve been having dreams about you and me…I’m 26 I live with my grandparents but that will hopefully change soon. I still ride on the back of shopping carts when I shop.