After sharing a guest-post on step-parenting from the step-child’s point of view, one commenter asked an interesting question: “Should a man with no kids be hesitant to date a woman with kids?
Save the games for the rest of the single people in the world who do not have the responsibility of looking out for the emotional well-being of themselves and their child. I’m always surprised at how few people discuss this topic upfront.
Some women with children do not want any more kids, and this is an awkward conversation to have after you have already exchanged “I love yous” or “I dos.” If you want one or two kids and she already has one or two kids, this is a conversation you should have sooner rather than later.
I have friends who have gotten upset because a woman they are dating has to drop everything for their child. A woman should not be placed in a position to choose between the child she loves and the man she likes.
If you don’t understand that, then you aren’t ready for this type of relationship and it is best if you do not bother wasting her time or yours. I’ve written on whether you need the baby’s father approval before — and for the record, no you do not.
This is not a video game that you can turn off when you decide you do not like how the game is playing out.
That is a personal decision you should figure out long before you involve a woman and her child in your life.In addition, if you do not want any (biological) kids of your own, do not assume that just because she has one or more child from a previous relationship that she does not want anymore with you. As a continuation of the above point, one of the hardest changes for many single men who decide to date a woman with a child is realizing they are not in first place. This is a hard adjustment for many men to make because when you’re single and don’t have any kids, you can be as selfish as you want.People with children are used to (hopefully) putting the needs of their children before their own.Before your relationship gets serious, you should know what role, if any, the baby’s father has in the child’s life, and what type of relationship the two parents have with one another.Contrary to popular belief — and Lifetime movies — not every woman with a child is looking for a second parent if the biological parent is actively involved in the child’s life and doing a good, low-drama job of co-parenting.An honest conversation about this should minimize the chances of you making a surprise cameo on a VH1 reality show. Should a man without kids hesitate to date a woman with kids?