There have been a few great articles over the last few weeks that attempt to challenge our investments in perpetual singleness, celibacy, and Christian abstinence. We need to start looking at the Bible as an invitation into an ongoing conversation with God and with those who have come before us. We get to ask whether a heterosexual, two-parent family is really the prized biblical model since it doesn’t seem like Abraham, Moses, David, Jesus, Timothy, Solomon and the like worked from or came from that model. I’m also happily dating and crafting the kind of love life I want to have.
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People disempower you while telling you they are empowering you.
We’ve come a long way in our discussions of sex since earlier years. Now there’s a public space to talk about sex stories, mishaps, messes and everything else that falls under that sprawling umbrella. A lot of women feel uncomfortable telling their partners they’re menstruating. That's understandable, given that when it comes to periods, many women have come to expect a bad reaction from their partners.
As dating went, back in the day, the A didn’t love me.
And like most deep South Black girls, I dealt with my dating problems in church, praying about what I needed to fix and change, and what the Lord was working in me to change to prepare me for this perfect man (that never came and who I am no longer looking for.) The other thing about Atlanta if you are straight and Black and Christian back then was the mega church culture.
Stop using the Bible as a reason to do nothing but sit around and wait on a love life to show up at your door. Stop letting this bad theology of purity rob you of the agency to follow your bliss and be intentional about building the kind of romantic life you want. You are told that your questions matter, when really the goal is to steer you deliberately toward a singular answer. And in the process, Black women become more sophisticated in their theology of self-denial (the flesh is deceitful, you see) but far less wise and knowledgeable about how live out a liberatory spirituality. The fear is that if women open their minds to think and open their mouths to speak, naturally, they might conclude that in the right circumstances opening one’s legs would be just fine, too.
I don’t care what anyone says – dude most prolly ain’t gone show up on your door step. Interpretive agency — Purity Culture perpetuates the ongoing lie that there is only way to read the Bible, and that the Bible is an excellent book for navigating dating and relationships. We are taught in evangelical Christian churches that God has a standard for how we ought to live and that standard is laid out for us in crystal clear terms in the Bible. If you’ve been out here struggling to make your life work, and someone says, “there’s a rule book. We become comfortable spiritualizing our suffering, acting as though perpetual lack of partners is just our “cross to bear.” But Black women are not Jesus, and we should really ask questions about how far to take that “deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me” business.
But before guys marry the idea that women are weaker, bitchier and whinier on their periods, another idea should be introduced: they can also be hornier.
Hormones are raging and the possibility of pregnancy is reduced during this time; menstruation provides additional lubrication, making penetration more comfortable.
Because if it means Black women are subjected to a life time of suffering, then I’m sorry but Jesus owes us something different.