The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been.
Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.
If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.
You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.
If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.” I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.
This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.
As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we have high standards regarding LDS dating.
LDS youth are counseled to not date until they are at least 16 years old.
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world that relations without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you.
Let me elaborate, when it comes to my daughter, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.