People involved in rebound relationships often seek a “quick fix” for their pain and damaged self-esteem, hoping their new partner will help make them forget the heartache suffered from the previous relationship.
The desire to numb the pain of the breakup, by quickly becoming involved in another, is not healthy for the broken-hearted nor fair to the new person hoping that they have found their soul-mate.
I forget what the excuse was, but it was some “togetherness” emergency – I had to go shopping with her for some trivial thing or other. In fact, that phrase – “I let her” – defined the majority of our relationship.
After the honeymoon period, where I was just astounded that I was having sex, our relationship became a matter of constant fighting, jealousy, guilt trips and having to justify myself on an almost daily basis.
The breakup of an intimate relationship or marriage can be a very difficult experience, leaving us with overwhelming feelings of confusion, loneliness, sleeplessness, anxiety, appetite changes, and unworthy of true love.
Our self-esteem often takes a nose dive, leaving us feeling emotionally raw, vulnerable and needy at times.
I had gotten permission from my girlfriend at the time (warning sign #1) to go play in a Mage campaign with my friends.
This was significant because my ex hated RPGs – she thought they were the stupidest things ever and couldn’t imagine anyone she dated wanting to play them.
You need time to grieve and heal before becoming emotionally ready for a new person to enter your life, allowing yourself to grow into someone who is emotionally whole rather than needy.
Relationship counselors recommend waiting about a year before beginning to look for another committed relationship, thus giving you the time to work through the phases of shock, anger and despair that likely accompanied your loss.
While seeking distraction and relief may seem reasonable at the time, the fantasy and illusion of being with someone new and attentive quickly begins to fade, ending with one or both people feeling hurt and used.