I often hear the old, tired line that black folks need to work on themselves before they can mingle romantically with other races. You can still advocate for change and love your blackness if you have a non-black spouse.
Being in an interracial relationship doesn’t make you Black.
But how would you respond to women who feel this way?
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I’ve often been called by my critics, “The Chief Bed Wench,” because I’m seen at the forefront of this issue. But many Black women are sensitive to that kind of insult and outright disapproval. We want the people in our lives to approve of the men we bring home. It comes down to what makes you happy and what makes your heart feel like it’s found its home.
It kind of throws a damper on the inclination to explore interracial dating if you know your parents said they would disown you if you ever brought home a white boy. I’m seeing more and more Black women finding their bliss with the men who love and accept them, regardless of race. If you’re lonely and sad, but your entire peer group (including family) approves of the idea of never dating a non-Black man even if he was utterly kick-ass amazing, can you really say those people in your life want the best for you?
Since Black women have been hesitant to date interracially for so long, I do consider it “progress” that many of them are discovering that different races of men are willing to love and cherish them. Candice: Something I’ve also noticed lately is that more of my Black female friends have begun to look outside their race specifically due to their frustrations with dating Black men.
I feel like this approach could be a bit problematic (because I don’t believe race determines the quality of man).
Candice: There seems to be a stronger reaction to Black men who date outside their race than Black women who do the same. But when men do the same, it’s often seen as a betrayal. Christelyn: Actually, I’ve experienced that in the reverse.
Historically, Black men have been dating and marrying interracially at higher rates than Black women for the last 40 years.
I also advocate because Black women are at a unique dating disadvantage in America.
Marriageable Black women outnumber marriageable Black men by the millions.
Christelyn: I have tremendous respect for Shonda Rhimes. Neither of those characters are the caricature of a Black woman.
We have layers, and like all women, we are complicated and splendid creatures.
It’s time to have an honest, open discussion about interracial relationships.